She's a fire starter, twisted fire starter

I love the bus, I'm not sure why I'm thinking of getting a car again. You hear all sorts on the bus, old girls mostly, chatting about stuff. Putting the world to rights.
This morning we got the bus home from town and listened intently to a regular gossip telling a women next to her that she was in a hurry to get home.
"You in a hurry?" said other women.
"Yes, gotta get home, then I'm back down town again"
"Why?"
"I think I may have left the cooker on"
"Oh god, still I ain't heard any fire engines yet!" A nice bit of consoling there.
"I've done it before" she informs her concerned acquaintance.
"Yeah, I did it when we were away a while back. We put the chip pan on to melt the fat, then went out for the day"
One question springs to mind here. Why would you put the chip pan on if you are going out for the day?
"Yes, the police had to break in with the fire brigade, the kitchen was black. Neighbours were shouting. I don't do it often though"
Well, call me old fashioned but this time, if it is on, will be twice, which in my book is way more than a good percentage of the population do it, twice more in fact.
"I flooded the place once as well." She informs her friend.
The women's an accident waiting to happen. I look at her and wonder how she got to such a good age, or if its the hard life she has put herself through  which has made her look older than she is?
Sam turns to me and tells me that under no circumstance would we ever move next door to this women.
I'm contemplating walking home rather than chancing the bus.
"Did you?" Asks friend.
"Yes, the shower rail fell in to the bathroom sink and knocked the tap on, and the curtain fell in the sink and blocked the plug hole and overflow"
I'm sure I saw a similar sketch in Some mothers do 'ave 'em back in the 70s. One of those sketches you would watch laugh at and say how funny that would be if it really happened. This women is living the dream. She is a poor mans Frank Spencer.
Its a shame she didn't flood the place on the same day as the chip pan, she could have put the fire out without even being there, and saved the tax payers some money.