Wednesday 13 June 2012

Are you talking to me?

The worlds going mad.
Don't you just hate those people that would rather drop someone else in trouble than themselves; well, machines are up to it now.
In town today Sam put her card into the ATM and pressed the appropriate buttons to get the service she required. The machine was making a couple of strange clicking noises, and Sam commented on the fact that it sounded a little, unusual.  Well, anyway, we got through the enter pin number, and select the service we wanted.
Pause, strange sound again, and a message popped up on the screen, stating that 'the issuing bank have declined your request'. WTF!
She knew the card was OK as she had used it earlier at another ATM, but nope, this one tried to blame someone else for the fact that it was about to go tits up. You know the world is going slight mad when machines start apportioning blame elsewhere.
ATM: Nope, its not my fault, you can try all you like, its down to your bank that is. Don't bother putting it in again, your bank hates you so there's no point trying. Its not my fault madam, honest, I'm just telling you like it is. Listen, cant you hear me working really hard for you?
Me: No, all I can here is you going wrong, and trying to blame my bank. Take the blame yourself, we wont laugh, honest.
What the hell is going on, I'm trying to reason with a machine.
This ATM has more AI than some games I've played. I half expected it to start snivelling, in a pathetic attempt to make me feel sorry for it.  
ATM: (sob), I'm so sorry, really I am, please don't report me, (sob).
Me: Poxy heap of crap, I'll use the other ATM up there.

Tuesday 12 June 2012

Don't panic!

3000 views of the blog, who would have thought it. Thanks for that one and all.
Not as many updates as I would have liked recently, just shows how little I get up to when I'm not at work, shame!
Well anyway, I bring you news of that transparent son of mine. He's been out with us, yes, with us, as a family, into town, with nothing in it for him. Fortunately the sun hasn't been out for a while, funny how the word sun or son is used followed by the words, not been out much.
Turns out, that as he had not been out the house a lot over the past, well, year or two, he is now suffering from cloud stroke!
Poor lad, still, at least he's got some colour in his cheeks now, even if it is just grey.
Me and the boy had a wander around town while Sam went off for an hour, and as we walked across the Market Hill, by the statue we saw a, well I would use the words pleasantly plump, but it wasn't overly pleasant to be fair, so I'll just leave it at plump, women. She was wrestling with a plastic double cake box, the kind you can seen through. She finally managed to get it open, she then paused, glanced at the cakes inside and closed the lid. I honestly thought we had just witnessed someone turning over a new leaf, a real life changing moment.

What am I doing with my life, eating this crap, walking around with my own micro climate, killing myself with all this rubbish food. No, its about time I found slim, start eating salad and cutting out the calories, I'll discover the new me in no time, the slim me, the I can slip into any clothes I want me. 

Alas no.
She put them down, on top of a bin (gross) to do something else. Well as she placed them on the bin a small gust of wind blew gently against them and they slide down the side of the bin lid, falling towards the ground. The look of horror on slims face was a picture, she panicked, flapped and made a desperate grab to save her, ahem, snack. As she reached out to grab the box she misjudged the distance her hand had to travel to save them, and proceed to squash the box against the side of the bin, flakes of broken cake rained down to the ground, quite possibly alongside the odd tear. She managed to save the most of the cakes from hitting the ground though, having partially destroyed one of them.
To be fair it was probably the hardest workout she's had in years, but at least it was exercise!