Why have a dog and bark yourself

So the tanker drivers will not be going on strike, just yet, but man alive are they earning the overtime out of the panic buying. Who's fault is it that we are panic buying, why haven't the government told us not to panic? Ah, because it was the government who told us to, how terribly responsible of them to think of us in that way, you'd think they had an ulterior motive, Tax revenue maybe? Well, so long as they don't tell us to store petrol in cans in our garage, now that would be irresponsible.
Now we all like a bit of overtime, even me when I want something, so I am thinking of writing to my local MP and informing him that there is an up coming world shortage of dog and cat food.
I can see the pound signs now, as he stands up in the House of Commons to tell them of this great predicament that will hit the country very soon, and that everyone should rush out now and buy as much as they can carry. Note that it may take a while to reduce the stock levels, due to the fact that as no one has a car with petrol in it we will have to carry the food home, thus reducing the speed we can actually panic buy at. It may mean more trips to your local stockist, but think of the exercise!
If you give up smoking not only will you save money, but you will be able to jog to your local pet shop speeding up your purchase times. Giving up smoking will also mean you have a few extra pounds in your pocket allowing you to maybe hire a few none pet owning friends to cart some food with you, just think of the fun you could all have, queueing at the pet shop amongst other forward thinking pet owners, for you cat or dogs favourite food.
On another note, today is the day that air passenger duty rises by 8%. Making it even more expensive to have a holiday, or trip abroad. Worry not though, as our caring government has done this to help save stocks of petrol for us worried drivers. Due to this price increase in airfares no one will be able to afford both trips abroad, and to drive a car, so flights will not be booked, airlines wont need the fuel, more for us, everyone's a winner, well, the government is anyway.
Whatever next VAT on hot pasties, and hot sausage rolls?