In my infinite wisdom I thought that, as I am now officially a none smoker, I would be able to do anything. Get the bike out, pump up the sadly underused tyres and go for an adventure. I'm just going for a bike ride dear, I told the wife, I'll shoot up to Tesco, anything you need?
With the list in hand, it wasn't a long list by any stretch of the imagination; I set off. Its about 2.5 miles from my house to the local Tesco, easy, see you soon.
Well, giving up smoking, and doing sod all exercise does not get you fit, not at all.
I got about halfway, I was in the industrial estate which is built on a steady slope, note, not a hill, just a steady slope, but it may as well have been one of the mountain stages in the Tour de France. I got halfway up the slope and had to stop, not by choice, no, I really had to stop, I was knackered. I got off and nearly fell over, suddenly I no longer had legs, my weight was being supported by two sticks of jelly. I couldn't move, I dared not move, they had minds of their own, and one proceeded to venture off one way, whilst the other didn't think it was a good idea to go anywhere at all.
After a minute or two, of looking at my phone, I needed to check my emails anyway, a quite brilliant deception to fool the passing car drivers, who otherwise would have scoffed, I thought I should push on, not on the bike though, I wasnt ready for that just yet, no, I'll be walking for a while. I thought to myself how bloody sad it must look, someone pushing their bike, after all I'm sure I have ridiculed many a bike pusher over the years. Limp, that's it I'll limp, go for the sympathy vote; so I moved on slowly, bike being pushed along at my side, and a really nasty limp, the illusion was complete, I almost fooled myself.
I eventually reached Tesco, I did ride again after a couple of minutes, when the slope levelled out, and became downhill.
I picked up the bits I needed, but boy was I warm, I must have looked like a beetroot, I'm sure a few people looked at me in that, boy you don't look well, kind of way.
The trip home is a breeze, down hill apart from a couple of nasty little kicks up slope, when I slowed right down, almost to a stop at least once.
I got in and proceeded to tell Sam all about the limping saga, she then informed me that half the cars that had driven past where probably going to Tesco, and would be saying to each other, there's that bloke who was limping by the side of his bike half a mile back, looks alright now!
Cheers for that babe, I thought I'd really pulled it off, but alas no.
Tomorrow, exercises starts, well that's the theory anyway.
The random rantings of a bloke who wouldn't get a second look in the street.
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