Can you dig it man?..........erm, no.

Today I gardened, yes, gardened. I'm not even completely sure if the borders needed watering or not, I just did it. I took it upon myself to fill a watering can, and I watered the garden, this is gardening right? 

Was it satisfying at all, no, not really but it passed 4 minutes. 

Does the garden look better for my intervention, again no, why should it, I'm no Percy Thrower (ask your parents).

I tipped water in roughly the right place, it soaked it, plants drink it, job done. Cant go wrong really. Puddles are ok right?

Anyway, that's that job done for a few years now. Still, it's good to keep your eye in.

That wont wash out

Thud, crash, thump.

2am and I've been woken by what sounds like either, the most incompetent of burglars or the most blasè, either way it sounds like we have a visitor. 

So, it goes without saying that the first thing one does in a situation like this is; tuck your body completely in under the duvet, nothing can get you now. No harm can come to someone who is adopting the 'anti-bogyman' approach to self preservation. 

I lay, tucked in, for 5 minutes listening to thumps and bangs. They sound remarkable close to the bedroom door. 

Bugger it I think, I need to find out what this is. I look across at Nicki and ponder waking her to send her, however, shes already awake and making no signs of leaving the bed. I slip some trousers on, I dont want to scare the neighbor's if I need to chase the bugger down the street now do I.

I creep over to the bedroom door and slowly turn the handle. Peering into the gloom i notice a dark patch on the floor in the bathroom. I reach in and pull the light on.

Vera is there, laying flat on the ground thumping another f**king mouse. She glances up at me like I've disturbed her, she actually gives me the skunk eye. 

This time she has however murdered the mouse, we can see some of its life force soaking into the bath mat.

The mouse gets tossed out of the window and we both get back into bed wide awake.

I did take the opportunity while out of bed to have my old persons midnight wee though, Haha, a little win on my part.

I've got a carrier bag.

You are not going to believe this but today's offering is animal based too.

Vera, one of our cats, decided to bring a mouse in, not an 'on full parade to one and all type of in', oh no sir, a stealthy, sneak it upstairs and play with it kind of bring in.
Nicki pops upstairs early evening and goes into one of the boys rooms. There, bold as brass is Vera idling away a happy hour playing with the mouse.
Nicki shouts down the stairs to me.
All I hear is, 'shut the doors shes.................inaudible.
'What'? I shout back.
'Shut the doors shes got...............inaudible.
I now decide I should get my lazy arse off the sofa and listen properly (something that doesn't come naturally to blokes).
I get to the bottom of the stairs ready to shout back 'what' when I see the reason for her calling. There is Vera, three stairs up chasing a mouse.
Why for crying out loud has she let it go?
Down the last few stairs it scampers straight into the living room, followed, obviously by the cat and me. It darts behind the door and I kneel down, cushion in hand, ready to catch it. A quick shove of the cat out of the way and I have it, under the cushion, just like a baseball mitt.
'Quick, get something to put it in Nick, get a jug'.
10 seconds pass of me pressing down on this soft furnishing.
'I've got a carrier bag'. Nicki says.
This fact takes a few seconds to sink in........a carrier bag I think. All I can picture is letting go of the cushion and watching as this bloody carrier bag wafts down on the mouse, which will obviously just sit there, good as gold.
'NO, A F£%KING JUG', said through tears of laughter.
I lift the tiniest bit of pressure from the cushion and the mouse is away.
Under the sofa if runs, Vera sits grumbling at it. Nicki lifts the back covering flap on the sofa up and allows Vera access to her prey. Shes under there like a flash, and the mouse is out in equal time from the other side.
Its like Laurel and Hardy now.
I make another grab with the cushion and get it again, wow I'm good.
'Jug' I say, surely no more words are needed.
Jug in hand Nicki comes to my aid, releasing the sofa, under which is Vera.
Well, the noise coming from under that sofa I've never heard the likes of before.
'Bugger, I've squashed the cat' she shouts.
So, cushion in one hand over the mouse, I lift the sofa with my other hand to let the cat out. She exits perfectly unharmed, if not a little pissed off.
Back to concentrating on the mouse.
Jug in hand Nicki gets ready. I lift the cushion and she slams the jug down on the mouse. Misjudging her attempt she brings down the jug right across its throat. I cant help it, I nearly piss myself at the expression of absolute horror on the creatures face, anyway, a slight realignment and its in the jug, alive. 
Jug in hand I toss the vermin in a hedge nearby.
We await its return.