Spent a very pleasant hour or so in town with the wife today, then a quite disturbing 10 minutes or so towards the end.
See after some window shopping we was on our way back to the car when I felt a slight rumble in the stomach area, well, more a gurgling than rumble.
I turned to Sam and informed her that I needed to pass wind, not any wind though, oh no, this was bubble wind, notoriously difficult to keep in, so I just put my head down and started to clench the cheeks of my arse together, in a vain attempt to keep the approaching misdemeanour under wraps.
The main problem with clenching whilst walking is that it can make you mince a little. I'm sure I heard a conversation behind us that went along the lines of.
1st passer by, "That bloke in fronts got right tight buns for a fat fella, wouldn't you say"
2nd passer by, "Yeah, really toned, shall I ask him his secret?"
I then turned to Sam and informed her that I had just relaxed, not a good sign, she smiled and sped up a little.
We chuckled to ourselves at the thought of people behind us seeing this relaxing moment, knowing what was going on and slipping their shirt over their noses as they walked towards the inevitable foul odour.
"Shit! He's just relaxed, quick, go in there..................
The random rantings of a bloke who wouldn't get a second look in the street.
