A Gregg's, a Gregg's my money for a Gregg's.

Now what I am about to say may come as a surprise. I love Gregg's the bakers, their sausage rolls to be specific are to die for.
Here, for me, is a typical visit.
You would never tell by my svelte like frame, but I do, I just disguise it well!
The trouble with going in there is there's never seemingly enough to go round. Most days the queue will stretch to the entrance, which usually amounts to about 15 or so people. I join the Back of the line in the vain pursuit of my fix of sausage roll and glance along the stream of people to see if I can second guess what they might purchase. I check the hot counter and count the sausage rolls, I then glance at the people. There are at least 25 sausage rolls left and 15 folk in the queue. 7 old people, it's doubtful they will want sausage rolls so i can discount them. They will more than likely buy floury bloomers, medium sliced, or baps, older folk do seem to like floury bloomers and baps.
Anyway, taking the 7 old folk out of the equation this leaves 8 possible day spoilers. 1 girl with a child in the buggy,.Ok, cake for child, possible sausage roll for her. She's thin, and being thin with such a young child's means there is a good chance she looks after herself. 2 blokes in smart suits, one has already picked a sandwich, how greedy would he have to be to buy a sausage roll as well.
The other chap in the suit is buying some cakes, result.
Girl with child does indeed buy a sausage roll leaving about 24. First suit man just takes the sandwich and goes on his way. Next in the queue is a contractor, bloody hell, he may take a few.
8 please!
Greedy sod, although deep down I know only 7 will be for him and the other one for his labourer.
16 left and still I'm way back in the line.
A couple of young lads next, they might take some, they certainly don't look like cake types. Would it look cool walking along eating? I do, but I'm older than them, and therefore my cool days are way behind me. It would not be that unusual to see me in a shirt bedecked in crumbs.
Anyway, they take 2 each, I start to sweat.
12 left. I know they have some more in the oven but there way to hot. They have a filing of lava not meat.
I glance along the line and reevaluate the situation. 12 left and 7 more people.
Next up is a couple, ok, I try to work out the chances of them buying sausage rolls. Well even if they take 1 each that still leaves 10, and with 5 more in the queue I imagine I'm in good shape.
After the couple is another single girl, at the most she would take 1 I think to myself. After her is a bloke in smart attire, then comes another girl and right in front of me is a bloke on his own. Blue trousers, dark jacket, slightly dishevelled hair and trainers.
The couple just buy donuts, the girl buys a loaf, didn't see that coming, the bloke behind her buy 4 sausage rolls, 6 left and just the bloke in front of me left. He looks like an office bloke. Ok he may take 2 that leaves 4 which is how many I want. He turns as he approaches the counter, and his jacket falls open to revile the same logo as the greedy sod who took 8. I try to make him think of pasties of wraps, anything else, just by thought projection, but alas no.
6 sausage rolls please.
Aaaarrrgggghhhh!

Speak up, I'm running out of credit.

So, the past few days of my holiday from work have flown by, and I've done next to nothing.
We went in to town yesterday, me and Sam, also Sam's sister. Nothing exciting happened though, not a thing. Firestarter women and stinky man were nowhere to be seen, and nobody else stepped up to the plate.
Although I have not done a great deal during my week off its still been great, just the fact that I haven't had to go to work is worth it in its self.
We did the Norwich thing, me and Charlotte, and a few trips in to town with Sam.
Me and Sam went to Colchester Tuesday, which was fun we haven't been there for a while, certainly since we got rid of the car. We went on the bus; not the best journey the bus seems to stop every few yards. One village we went through the bus stopped twice in the space of 300 yards, why? Why couldn't these people just meet at one stop, rather than having to pick each person up right outside their houses. Maybe they don't like each other, who knows.
It was most enjoyable trooping round Colchester for the morning, spent a few bob had a bite to eat and got the bus home. There was one small thing I suppose, worth writing about.
A loud women where we ate, one of those people who doesn't need the phone they are speaking in to.
They shout so loud, the person at the other end must have to hold the phone feet from their face.
They are good to listen to though, you can join in with what they chat about, only one side of the conversation mind, which sometimes does make it all the funnier. If only the person at the other end new that all their dirty washing was being aired in public, fortunately anonymously.

I did start writing a blog entry the other day. I sat at the computer watching Prime Ministers questions thinking how bloody childish these people act in front of the cameras. Its really quite amusing to sit and listen to them, jeering and shouting across at each other. Still, could be worse, they could be the countries decision makers!
It's like a kindergarten in there, I'm sure I saw one of them poke their tongue out the other day. It's also quite funny to see them passing notes to each other.
David says you smell!
Quick scribble, pass that back please. John says you've got a face like a donkeys arse.
I used to get in trouble at school for passing notes backwards and forwards, MICHAEL! COME HERE AND BRING THE NOTE!
It wasn't me Miss!

Enough of that stuff, now they can track and intercept email and other sorts of electronic communications, as I might get in trouble.
That sonofnesbit's been writing about you on his blog.

Yeah, but he wrote about you as well, he said you smell.

Get him in, and tell him to bring the blog with him.

That's not really how it works, its on the Internet.

Ok, get him to bring the Internet in with him!

But Prime Minister its.......

Just do it!

Like I say above, its a good job they don't have to make really important decisions isn't it.

Is it a bird, is it a plane, no, its Mattress Man!

Ok, I am getting old. I kind of knew it, but being away Saturday night in Norwich for the gig has done nothing to dispel the feeling.

The hotel/B&B we stayed in was ok, but, the room they gave us was on the ground floor, near the stairs and right next to the street door, all the makings of not being the quietest position in the building.

I don't really want to moan, it wasn't that bad really, the hosts where very friendly and it was situated in a prime spot for us. I'm going to moan about certain aspects though. The noise mostly; who in god’s name goes out at 02:00, not just one person, oh no, 2 or 3 times people came down the stairs at different times, and they didn't have carpet slippers on believe me, no sir, hobnailed boots where the order of the day. Their last thought being as they went out, should we pull the street door closed gently, nah, sod it, that would delay us by a second or 2, let it slam, why should they care, it’s not like it’s a hotel and others may be trying to sleep, god no.

Now I don't sleep well in a strange room anyway, and I think that as I realise this it makes it worse, so I don't need listening to herds of wildebeests roaming majestically right past my room, never mind across the plains. The room was comfortable, if not over furnished. The TV sucked a bit though, being one of the large backed old school TVs. It may be the case that the owners rent out the space in the back of the TV as a small single occupancy room, who knows!

Me and Mattress Man

Breakfast was very nice; I went for the low calorie full English, bacon, egg, beans, sausage, toast and one of my 5 a day, tomato. To drink we had a jug of juice, which counted for at least another of our 5 a day, so all round a very wholesome and good for you breakfast, I can feel the weight falling off, one of those meals you eat where you actually lose weight whilst eating it.

The flush on the toilet gave a rather nice fart noise when pressed, which didn’t fail to make Charlotte cry with laughter every time I pressed it. Upon walking out she would greet me with a “was that you”? To which I would reply, no, it was the flush. Not a great sound when you just walk out of the toilet, it’s a good job me and Charlotte have the same sense of humour. She flushed it a couple of times this was followed by her killing herself laughing from the other side of the door, which in turn made me chuckle.

When we are out and about Charlotte has an eagle eye for money on the pavement, pennies through to pound coins, she can spot them from yards away. Well imagine my surprise when at the concert, whilst the main band was on stage she falls to the floor, what the hells she doing down there? Up she comes, little grin on her face, “I found a pound.”

Its pitch black in here, I couldn’t even see my shoe, let alone a coin on the floor. I asked her how she saw it. I put my foot on something and realised it was a pound coin from the thickness. Bloody hell, super sensitive feet our girl, she can gauge the denomination of a coin just from treading on it.

On our way to Castle Mall on the Sunday morning we decided to have our picture taken with Mattress Man (it's a shop not a theme park), what a guy! Charlotte wouldn’t let me upload hers, so here’s mine, I'll cop the flack my shoulders are broad.